It's good for your soul

Counseling. That word gives a large group of people the feeling that something is wrong with them. Let's be honest, at times I've felt that way. But let me tell you. If anyone ever suggests you go, I highly recommend you do. It is an incredible experience.

It's no secret that things with me and my dad aren't the best. We've had our ups and downs. Sad to say but we've had far more downs than ups. About a month ago he asked if I'd be willing to go to counseling. I halfheartedly agreed. I was almost at that point where our relationship seemed too hard to fix, so I thought what the heck why not?

Boy oh boy. I feel like that first session changed my life. I mean it. I learned a lot about myself and people in general. I've always known that I'm not one to face contention head on, but the counselor helped me see an important point.

There are two types of people when it comes to conflict. Pursuers and those who step back. I am one who steps back and my dad is a pursuer. The ones who step back have an insecurity in themselves. They feel that they are not good enough or that they are being a disappointment. A pursuer has an insecurity in the relationship itself.

When you have one of each personality type it's like a dog chasing it's tail. The harder the pursuer pushes the further back the other person steps. Nothing ever gets resolved. I learned I need to be more assertive. It's hard but I'm working on it.

Tonight we went for our second round.

There are some things I feel like we are born knowing that no one ever talks about. For example, in order to feel like you can be open and say how you feel you want to feel safe in the environment you talk and feel safe with the person you are talking to. A vital key to feeling safe is to take problems one small piece at a time.

We went through an example in my life where I didn't feel safe telling my dad how I felt. It was incredible to see how quickly things escalated. It really is a challenge to take things slowly, but once we started to get the hang of it it was amazing to finally feel that there is hope that my dad can understand how I feel.

I'm learning how to better understand people and how to ask the right questions to make sure I understand why a person feels the way they do. Even though these sessions make me feel extremely vulnerable they are empowering.

Things are lookin' up for me and my dad already. I'm not saying this road won't be tough, but I sure hope it will all be worth it.